Small Strides

Last night, I wrote a lot about why I set up this blog and not necessarily what I would like to accomplish.  It has been a constant struggle, my weight that is and really for the first time it is dawning on me the potential dangers of the lifestyle I have led up to this point.  I have enjoyed it thus far; but I am lucky I guess in some way that it hasn't come back to bite me too hard.  But then again, who knows what the future may hold.  I've told the stories over and over again about how I did this to myself and what I had done to hurt myself physically, mentally, and most importantly emotionally.  

It really began when I started wrestling, though not all that drastically when I was young.  I would wrestle at a certain weight class and my chart would always be down at the end of the hall just a few charts away from the "fat kids" - the heavyweights.  I would think to myself "Thank god I'm not one of them..."  Karma's a bitch?  But nonetheless throughout my life I have always upheld a consciousness about weight and I guess the connotations surrounding being heavy.  I started very early laying the seeds of the deep mental and emotional issues that my weight would later bring on.  And even at that age, I would make excuses about it, rather than taking the initiative with it.  Blaming "baby fat" on being a late bloomer, claiming to be thick-skinned or big-boned.  I always wanted these things to go away on their own; however, somewhere deep inside I knew that it wasn't going to.  I was too lazy take care of it.  But by the same token I was still very athletic and only at this point in eighth grade.

I'm exhausted now.  I'll finish this tomorrow.  As for the vitals, I'll figure out how I'm going to work this all out.  But I ate a little bit better today.  I had some green tea and a ham and cheese omelette for breakfast, spicy peanut chicken for lunch, a Nutri-Grain bar as a snack and then I fell apart: four sliders, a small order of cajun fries, and a 24oz Coke.  And then another N-G bar.  But still, not as bad as this weekend.